56. Wings to Fly Again
Waiting for lab results is always a constraint that takes a silent, unseen toll, mentally & physically. I thought I’d be okay with it. Just wait and you put on a mask . . . .
There are times I just want to remove the word "strong" from the dictionary. Make it a crime! Being strong isn't A choice. It's THE ONLY damn choice, like it or not!
When they discovered a shadow in my other breast, I thought history was repeating itself. Same month! Same discovery. A biopsy needed - that itself is s***y painful. Let it go was my constant hammering in my brain. I didn't break down then because I had enough & was ready to let go.
Imagine going through all the highs & lows of chemo & radiation. The excruciating pain, the slow recovery journey, the cruel expectation of people who have no clue what it's like, sending you into depression.
This time my strength came from good people around me who convinced me to do the biopsy & I went in hoping a drop-dead handsome doctor would distract me from my pain! Without judgment, he had a kind, gentle, comforting voice. As expected, pain was there, I cried without shame but it’s over . . . .
Then it finally came! BENIGN! I polished the floors of my kitchen & living room with my brisk pacing. It took time to sink in. After a couple of hours, I fell to the floor & broke down …for a second ... it was overwhelming. A strong person? Aaah! So dramatic, that I would have got an Oscar for this genuine display of emotion that knocked me down.
So grateful that I’d be able to keep my hair, let my eye lashes grow in peace... keep everything intact for now. Not that I disliked being bald. It had its blad glamorous moments. People twisted their necks to look at me! Hmm! So good to know I'll be around to continue annoying myself & others. The devil is sighing. That new lipstick is still on the card! I have wings to fly!
I still have to go in for an examination for another unfortunate condition - side effects of all the treatment they think. Later, for now I need to take in the good news and regain that Ninja kick again.
Excuse me, I hear someone say camera, action, to play life's role. It's called "I'm Alive”. Someone get me my red lipstick! Hope my co-star is one dashing guy! Gotta go . . . .
Hugs all those who are/were in my shoes.
Hugs to all those who stood/stands by me.
I heard the Whispers of “life” . . . . . “you are here”
March 2026